I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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