Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
