break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
