I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
