Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
