He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
