I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
