So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
