I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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