I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We need a shit load of segways right now
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
