his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
