As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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