My nipple is on Facebook.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
third nipple confirmed
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
