There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
