Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
