I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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