Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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