Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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