Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
