u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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