he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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