It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
