Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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