Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
