Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
