ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
