I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
