The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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