She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
