I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
