Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
