new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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