Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
