he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
well you can't waste a boner
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
