Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
