I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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