Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
