You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
