some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
