drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
