remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
