Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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