i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
