I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
