dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
