If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
