Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
