Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
