I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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