I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
