I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
