You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
