Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We left the knife in your bed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
