she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
