I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
